Off the beaten track - Day not known.

Ahh, how do I start? Well, with my tail between my legs I think. I lost the plot over Christmas. I did intend to stick within the rules. I had hoped that some subconscious drive would keep me on the straight and narrow, but alas, my subconscious is all about the food! And it took over big time.

It started with my work night out. I was an absolute star with the food. Avoiding all bread and potatoes etc, sticking near enough to my allowed foods but then I had a glass of wine. And then the rest of the bottle - I think I may have had someone else's bottle too... It ended up very messy.

Along came Christmas dinner - and again, not too bad. I did have a bit of bread with the starter and then some pigs in blankets with dinner - but then I sort of forgot to stop. Along came the honey roasted peanuts, the pringles, the chocolates... the list goes on. And apart from cooking - which I seemed to be doing constantly, I did no exercise at all.

In an attempt to clear out the Christmas feast I then did two days of abstinence. This did help as it shifted a couple of pounds but no sooner had I returned back to my own flat - I had spent Christmas at the homestead - I made a pasta bake!!! I mean? What the hell was I thinking? I actually went to Tescos, bought all the ingredients, cooked and ate it. I then opened the chocolates that I had been given and plowed into them.

But it has to stop today. I am now 4lbs heavier than my last weigh in. It is only now 4lbs due to the couple of days on abstinence. It was 7lbs. I should be going to a weigh in tomorrow as my usual Tuesday one is on New Year's Day and therefore cancelled. But I can not face going just to record a weight gain. I don't want to blot my copy book. I can go in and be 1lb heavier, or stay the same - but no more than that. So I have until the 8th January to get with the programme, get to the gym and lose 4lbs.

I need a plan of action. Firstly I am going to the gym today. I am going to ignore every argument against it that my mind keeps throwing up in the same way I ignored every argument as I walked around tescos. I am going out for dinner tonight - but it will be sushi, so I will not eat today - by which I mean I will just stick to food packs, and I will just have sashimi tonight. I will have to drive so I will not drink.

Tomorrow - New Year's Eve. The one thing I didn't do over Christmas was drink. I had a glass of champagne to toast the event, and I had a glass of red wine on boxing day, but that was it. After my work night out I really couldn't be doing with it. Now, tomorrow could be rather awkward depending on who is at the party. But I have a choice... Do I drink to overcome the situation, or avoid drink entirely and quite possibly still have dignity by the end of the night! Hmm.. We'll see.

Essentially I think the gym has to become my new best friend. I need routine and structure. I also need to run a marathon to burn off yesterday's carb fest.

I am not sure what day I am on at the moment. I know I need to start back where I left off. Which I think was week five. But I want to shift the weight first - then work out where to start back. I have enough food packs to see me through to the next meeting.

I will also spend more time ctaching up with blogs and getting on the forum. I need the wisdom of others to pull me through!

Day Twenty Nine - RtM

Hello there!

It's been a while, but I have still been trudging on through the programme. Actually, that's not true. I have been mostly skipping happily through the programme. Time is flying! I am just about to start week five of route to management! This is fabulous as it means I will be able to enjoy a drink over Christmas.

My weight is still slowly going down. A pound last week and another pound this week. However, the novelty factor of keeping my food/mood diary has slipped away. This is not a good thing and I vow to keep it properly this week. Especially as this day next week is Christmas Day. I know that I will be ok in company but I fear that I will slip over a few times when I am alone. I am not going to beat myself up about it though. I will let the scales and my clothes be my judge and jury.

I would say that 90% of the time I am sticking to the whole programme with a little 10% buffer. As my weight is still slowly dropping I am not worried. I have had no massive eat up or major binge. Just the odd Gingerbread latte or chewy toffee.

I went to the meeting tonight and got some more bars. I do find them handy but I have not been having my two packs a day. I have replaced having the bars with eating fruit. I can be a bit of a faddy eater so I will probably get bored of fruit and will return to the packs.

Right, I am going to watch a man try to loose thirty stone now! A bit of inspiration.

Hope everyone is well and are all set for a Happy Christmas!

Day Twenty - RtM

Another slow start today. It is funny how I so crave the chance to have a weekend to myself and as soon as I get it I want nothing more than to be surrounded by friends and family.

I have just had breakfast/lunch. I made a bowl of quinoa with apple juice, diced apples and cinnamon. It is delicious. All the flavours and smells of christmas. I don't seem to have any connection with what it means to be full though. Or should I say - no longer hungry. I need to really make that a massive focus this week and make myself stop eating when I am no longer hungry.

I am going to see Billy Budd performed by the LSO tonight. It is all very odd as I bought the tickets to go with someone I no longer have any contact with. I have not spoken to this person in months and therefore have a spare ticket. The things is that most people have no interest in going to see it so, like my little trip to the opera last Thursday, I may well be going alone again.

I guess that is why I am on a bit of a downer - made worse by my time spent alone to ponder on it. One of my main reasons to lose weight was in order to be more confident to go out and meet someone. At 31 I am totally done with being single. Yet I continue to find myself thoroughly alone. Maybe I need to be more proactive - any ideas?

Day Nineteen - RtM

I have had a very, very lazy day today. I was so happy to see that the weather was so miserable which justified my keeping the curtains closed and the dvd box sets on rotation.

I'm not sure if I am doing the RtM correctly. I am keeping to the food lists - well, mostly. Without the structure of the food packs I am not sure if I am on the right road. I have a funny feeling that I have planned my own route this week.

So, where have I gone wrong? Firstly, I've been cooking the vegetables. Secondly, I have eaten some fruits and veg which are not on the week three list. Thirdly, I have been eating foods that I enjoy and like the taste of - and therefore probably more than I should. Take right now for example. I am not hungry at all. Yet I know what I have planned for dinner so I want to eat! This is what I have always been like. Not eating because I am hungry but because I love food - and enjoy the flavours.

Yesterday for example:

For breakfast I had some raspberries.

For lunch I had two clementines and an apple

For dinner I made a bolognaise with quinoa.

So - why is this wrong? Firstly - no foodpacks. Secondly I didn't bring any food into work so I ate what was on the table - the clementines and the apple. And finally because the bolognaise was so delicious, as was the quinoa, I ate more than I needed.

This is the first time I have tried quinoa so I thought I would experiment and make a breakfast version using an apple and apple juice. It was so delicious that I ate it for dessert. Now, that wasn't on plan. All the food choices were - but not the portions.

So this is why I think I have lost my way a little. I haven't planned everything out like I did in the first two weeks. So next week I will plan out my meals for the day to make sure I don't lose my way again.

Ahh, and I have been cheating slightly - well, actually, just cheating. A skinny gingerbread latte is not anywhere in the book - yet I have had three in the last two weeks. I also bought some chocolate toffees which I have been having a couple of each day. Not big binges just too much breaking of the rules.


My weight has stayed the same this week - no movement. But I guess that is the point of RtM. To maintain the lower weight you have achieved. It is just that when you get used to weeks and weeks of loosing weight every week you expect to see the scales moving. As I sit here I don't feel any different to how I did four months ago. I know the difference when I get ready to go out but at home, sitting in my pjs watching Xfactor there is no difference at all. I guess that's why the old food habits seem such an easy choice.

So - as for today.

Breakfast - Apple quinoa (all allowed - small portion)

Snack - 2 clementines

Lunch - Chocolate foodpack - as a shake

Afternoon - cup of tea.

Extras - a few chewing nuts (chocolate covered toffee things)


I am having the left overs of yesterday's dinner tonight for dinner.


I think I just need a lot more guidance and reassurance on this part of the programme. I really fell like I am just going it alone at the moment.

Day Fifteen - RtM

Man, raspberries, tomatoes and cherries taste so damn good. Think I must have been craving something in red foods!


Only 1lb down but right direction!

Day Twelve - RtM

So, 12 days down. It's not easy though. Having to be constantly thinking about food choices after the relative luxury of having no choice whatsoever. I'm constantly worried that I will go too far. Part of this anxiety is because I still want to continue loosing rather than just to maintain what I currently weigh. I am still glad that I decided not to stay in abstinence... I couldn't continue with the packs as a sole source of food.

I'm having a Saturday night in on the sofa so I stopped off at the supermarket and picked up some sugar free jelly so if I feel the need to snack I can without obsessing about what I can not have. I also need to have a couple more packs today. I reckon I'll have a big chocolate shake later. Yesterday I didn't manage to have all my food packs. Now that I am using my 'snack' as lunch and my dinner for dinner - I have a pack for breakfast but I don't always get around to having two more during the day. This is especially the case if I go out in the evening.

I've still not been out for sushi! This is shocking because I have been obsessing about sushi since August. AND it is SO ok for me to have sashimi. I am assuming that wasabi will be ok and I know that soy sauce is fine. I may get up and go for some Christmas shopping tomorrow and enjoy some sushi for lunch. Or I may sleep. Sleep is good.

I'm not really focused at the moment - think I'll sign off!