Day Forty Two

So a reassuring 6lb loss this week. It's amazing the impact that a lower number can have. As I posted on minimins I have been experiencing the increases in energy this week. As a result I have been ikea-ing my flat up a treat. I took out all the clothes in my wardrobe recently and created a very large pile of clothes that I can no longer wear. Fortunately my friend cam around last night and took many of them off my hands.

The days and weeks are flying past at the moment. Partly as I am back at school. The weeks have such a fixed structure that I barely have time to think and it's the weekend again. As I have been going down to visit my parents for the last few weekends I found it quite hard to be without a plan this weekend. I opted for a double "comedy" bill at the cinema on Friday - Run Fatboy Run followed by Superbad. I don't suggest you go and see either. Both were substandard. If you have any better suggestions I am looking for more films to see.

I spent all of Saturday at Bluewater. A lovely day, the only downside being the moment I had to walk by Yo Sushi. I LOVE Yo Sushi and can not wait til I can have salmon again. I am really looking forward to that meal! In the evening I found I had nothing to do so ended up having a bath and reading my book. A tad boring but relaxing all the same. On Sunday I spent the day with my Sister and her two boys. It was great as I do not get to see them all that often.


So, all in all a more positive me. And a smaller me. I can not help but think of the time I get to eat again! I still have three more stone to lose which is a long way to go. I am worried that it is just too much to lose in Foundation but I am not looking forward to the idea of not eating for longer than 100 days. I tried to explain to the Locum LLC today. She said that I was not to Love Food. I had to explain that I did. I love food. I love ingredients, I love cooking, I love tasting new things. When the abstinence part of the diet comes to an end I look forward to eating again. I'm also looking forward to not feeling the need to eat more than I actually want. I'm looking forward to not stuffing myself because it is there and I am looking forward to not looking as I did when I decided to start this.

Only 58 days to go....

Day Thirty Seven

I'm finding it hard to blog at the moment. I am still reading others but can't seem to get my thoughts sufficiently together to put them down.

I am still sticking with it, still not eating - still following the programme. I think the 1lb and then 2lb loss got to me quite a lot. Especially when I read of other peoples 6,7 and 8lb losses each week. I can justify it all and have every argument in my arsenal but it still annoys me. This week's loss was better but I feel now that I am in catch up - trying to get back on target.

I really shouldn't be upset, my clothes are fitting better - I really think I do look better. I just don't feel much better. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I am not going out much or seeing my friends. I've not seen or spoken to my best friend in weeks, apart from the odd text. I'm not very good in my own company and as I live alone once I get home in the evening I do not speak to anyone.

Gah. Too much complaining. I used to joke with my friend - wouldn't it be awful to lose all the weight and just discover that you're ugly. However, now I'm thinking, what happens when you lose all the weight and you're still not happy.

Well, only 63 days to go. Only.

Day Thirty Five

So, that's a bit better. 4lbs down this week, which makes 20 lbs in five weeks. Turned out to be TOTM last week which could explain how slow things were moving. I really do hope for a similar loss next week. On another good note I now fit into the size 16 clothes that have been hanging in the wardrobe. Hurrah!

Day Twenty Eight

So, not happy. 2lbs down. That's three in 2 weeks.

Day Twenty Seven

So, I have been quite absent this week. It was the first week back at school so I was never in the mood to write when I got home. I have still been keeping up with all my other favourite blogs. Today I have been looking back at other people's fourth week - just to see how they were feeling at this time.

I feel hungry a lot of the time. Not in a 'I want to binge' way - I would just kill for a bit of chicken, or a plain jacket potato. I'm finding it hard as the scales are still not budging. I guess I am not meant to be enjoying this - and I can not wait for it to be over. I know that if I was seeing the 3.5lb a week loss I could see I was getting somewhere but in order for that to be true I would have to loose 6lbs this week. That is not going to happen - at least according to my scales. So I start thinking - there has to be a better way. The only reason for doing this drastic diet is because of the drastic weight loss. Having been told that the first week is just glycogen, that makes 5lbs over three weeks so far. That is a slow weight loss, right?

I've still been sticking to my goals. I've had all four packs every day and have drunk at least four litres but usual between 5 and 6. I have also been going to the gym and doing both the cardio stuff as well as some toning machines. I certainly have not been piling on 6lbs of muscle - so I am not accepting that as a reason for no movement on the scales.

So, end of tether, awaiting weigh in tomorrow. And tonight I am going out for 'dinner' for a friend's birthday. Well, I am going about an hour late so I miss the food. I'm not alone at least. My friends Jen is also doing this and also going to dinner, late, with me. I'm looking forward to chatting to her about my crisis of confidence.

I think you can see that I am frustrated but hoping that I'll be returning with great news tomorrow.

Day Twenty One

Ok... So only one pound down. But that makes a stone in three weeks.

Letter To Myself

Letter to Myself – Lighter Life Week Three

Dear Liz,

Firstly, well done. Three weeks without real food and you have not once given in to any temptation. That is not easy and you have done it. I know your competitive streak is keeping you going at the moment but soon you will need to stop seeing this as a battle with yourself but as a re-education of your relationship with food.

So, why? Why has it come to this? Well, you know you have tried to diet many times before. And you did well, on every occasion – so what happened? Why did you sabotage all the months of hard work, specialist diets, measuring portions and back breaking gym sessions? I guess it is because you never really learned the lesson. You knew how to get weight off but then ‘normal’ life steps back in and you went back to old habits. So, that, Liz, is why you have chosen Lighter Life. You want it to be different this time.

I want you to loose the excess weight by sticking to the abstinence program, drinking the water and going to the gym a minimum of three times a week. You have done it so far – keep it up. I promise to help you by keeping focussed, motivated and reminding you of the goal.

Liz’s Goals

1. Stick to the Lighter Life Programme to the letter even when the scales refuse to budge.
2. Integrate more activity into daily life in addition to the gym. You can do this by walking more when the opportunity arises.
3. Remain positive. This will work.

Finally, good luck. Listen carefully in the meetings. Think deeply about the advice given. Act upon the advice and do not resist making changes to your life. Don’t allow yourself to become distracted and prioritise other things. You are now busy on Mondays. Everyone else will have to deal with that.

Day Eighteen

Today has been an odd day. I had a nightmare morning with washing machines, bastard delivery men, trying to single handedly manoeuvre two washing machines around my tiny flat and some rather scary amateur plumbing. Still don't think I've done it properly but I haven't been swept away on a tidal wave as of yet. One thing I did learn - it is not this sort of stress that turns me to food. At no point did I consider eating or lust over a snack pile. I couldn't even drink my water as I had turned the water off to the flat therefore there were severely limited toilet facilities. So, all in all it was a pretty shit morning - but I have now managed to disconnect and connect a washing machine - so Yay Me!

This evening then I had part three of the very frustrating Broadband and Wireless connection at my aunt's house. I have a rather stupid idea that I can do anything - so when someone asks if I would be able to do something I always work on the idea of 'Well, it can't be that hard, right?'. Hmm. But they can now take their laptops wherever they please and still check facebook. So. Yay.

As for my goals. Well, I'm up this late trying to drink more water before bed. Just hit 4 litres but trying to get a bit more down me. Number Two: Hmm, I've had three packs. So a fail. I can't have anymore - just the thought makes me nauseous. This is down to my morning being so hectic that I didn't consider food for a minute. And finally number three: Exercise. Well, I have to count the dance of the washing machines as a bloody hard work out. Certainly worked up as much of a sweat as I would at the gym! But overall not good. Must Try Harder.


One question... Bruising. I don't bruise. I bash into things all the time, especially at school where the desks are that perfect mid-thigh point! But I never bruise. So I was a little surprised to discover a big bruise on my arm this morning. I certainly didn't bash it hard enough to register when I did it - but it doesn't look good. I saw a thread on minimins about it and the use of vitamin K. Now, I'm not going to get too excited about one bruise but if it continues I will. Has anybody else found this? What did you decided to do about it?

Night for now. At least I can catch up on all the laundry that has been piling up since the explosion last week.